"That's the autistic kid"

So...
Yesterday Ben, his dad and I hit the mall. No.. we weren't shopping, ya see it's mortgage week, and that always puts a crimp in our free spending. Now, with Ben, we luck out. We can go into toy stores, and toy departments in Boscov's and he's happy to play with toys while they stay in their packaging. He's great about leaving, with the promise of "we'll come back another time". NEVER had a tantrum of I want this.. blah blah blah. That would be the one "upside" to autism I can think of.
So... There we were in Boscov's minding our own buisness, when a little boy tells his sister.. "That's the autistic kid at school". Well, I didn't hear it, but Brent was standing next to them. He asked the child if he went to Bens school, he did, and Brent said "yeah that's him." Brent raced down the isle, and told me what had happened then asked me if it bothered me. Truthfully it didn't (at the moment). I'm all about intent. Did I think he was trying to be bratty? No. I think he was just spitting out what he had been told.
Now.. after some time and space, Brent asked me again later that night if it bothered me. I was able to then say, no, but a better reply for us would have been to introduce Ben, and let the boy know if he sees him in the hall he could say "Hi Ben". Turning "the autistic kid" into Ben.
Also, we have our confrence with the teacher tomorow. I will be interested to know what information is given to k-5 regarding the special ed kids. How are they explained? This child was k or 1st grade.... How does he know what he knows?
We can't pretend to be suprised anymore that even very young children see the difference in Ben. I'm talking babies kind of study him. His differences are too obvious and obvious quickly. Everywhere we go children watch Ben. I don't think they're judging him, (they're still too young) but they're trying to figure him out.
At the playground, a 2-3 year old was following him around, trying to play with him, trying to have a conversation. Well, we loved it. We wish there were more kids that were persistant. Who followed him around and found what he was doing to be fun, and worth spending the time.
Ben is so happy pretty much 24/7.
Sometimes......I just get so damn sad and overwhelmed.

Everyday Life

Ben just had the 24 hour virus. Interesting how different all kids are.
The school had called that day, wanting me to know Ben had green boogies (tmi?) and seemed tired. Get used to it. I let them know Ben would have green snot from now until spring, and then some. I can't pick him up everytime his nose runs...
When I picked him up from day-care they said he had had a good day, we got home and he was running/jumping/flapping... good times, good times. Now he didn't eat his french fries, but... so what?
That night at 3:45.... bleah! No whining before hand, no crying during, nothing after. Puked and looked at me. There we are, stripping the bed, doing laundry, making the bed, etc. This went on twice more. The kid never complained. I don't get it. I still tear up when I puke (which has been yrs... knock wood)
I conduct trainings twice a month, and the next morning was one of them, so dad stayed home. You know that kids sick when he doesn't open his mouth or move out of the bed. I came home and the whole death warmed over look was going strong.
I got to stay home with him yesterday. After a nice bath, etc he seemed back to par. Except for the whole eating thing. He's lasted on about 90 calories for the last two days.
We did manage to grab a nap yesterday. A sweet 2 1/2 hour nap... Can I tell you at 11pm last night he's jumping on the bed handing me the DAMN Barney video I just had to go and find.... I think my husband was hoping I'd be impaled on the daggers he was shooting at me... but... good times, good times.

sometimes tired

You know that little section in my profile that says "always trying, sometimes tired"... Well, it's upon me.
I don't know if it's the whole lack of sunlight, but I'm tired. Tired of the whole dog and pony act. I want to be selfish. I want to scream "what the %&*# about me!!!". And you know what? I could scream it. And no one would hear.
I've decided that being selfish must be very natural. People really do worry about themselves first. I pretty consistintly put my own needs and wants on hold. I do what I should do, what I need to do, what's expected of a wife, mother, employee, daughter, neighbor, friend. But sometimes, I just feel freekin resentful. I know your not supposed to do things with the expectation of recognition.... thank god! because it's just not there. I'm like that perfect employee at home. the seemless one, who comes and goes, and you'd never even realize she was standing in front of you. Why? Because your entitled ass was too busy with TV or the computer, or shouting "more milk"
I also realize these statements make me sound like the perfect martyr. Poor me... woe is me.... and guess what? I think being a martyr is perfectly natural too! As much as I feel put out and put upon... those around me feel the same way. What the %&$#!!!!!!
Well, as this holiday season abounds..... I'll try listening to carols, reading the wonderful cards and thoughts, and when all else fails.. hit the Egg Nog..... HARD!

Two steps forward, One step back

Well... It was good while it lasted.
Potty time is still party time. Thank god for that. My upstairs is just starting to lose the scent of an overdue litter box.
The sleeping in bed.... shot to hell.
The last couple of nights, up he goes, sweet as can be, falls fast to sleep, then by 12:30AM he's ninja'd his way out of his room. Neither his father nor I hear a peep. We're still using the monitor, so I can't figure how we're both missing it. Of course the fact our bedroom is on the first floor, and his the 2nd probably doesn't help.
He's waking up and turning EVERY single light on in the house. The dog (bless his sainted soul) is waking Brent up (another reason I like him) Brent notices it's very light out in the house. (we keep our door partially open) When he goes to investigate... Ben's Room, the play room, the hall, the bathroom, the living room, the dining room, and the kitchen... All ablaze like we''re having a party. And there he sits by the computer. Damn! Not only does it wake us up, but it is a little scary.
Poor guy is obviously afraid of the dark. Brent tells him "Let's go, we're going back to bed" which gets him an obviously frightened "No Way!" And Mr. Softy himself leads him into our bedroom. Most of this I found out this morning, with the exception of his route to bed is right over my stomach. At 46lbs, I notice.
Poor guy! I'm not sure what to do. Even "typical" kids are hard to convince there's nothing to be afraid of. I seriously doubt he'd hear our words at all.
So... what to do? Do we get an external lock so he can't get out at night (at least without our knowing about it). That seems kind of mean. What to do???????

and he keeps moving along

It's the little things. The times when he does something, and I couldn't puff up any bigger without being floated down main street on Thanksgiving day.
This weekend my little wonder learned how to point and click. He would often hold the mouse, and spin the little wheel, but this weekend... He figured out that if he highlighted and clicked... magic! Could I have been any happier for him, or proud? Nope!

Another little things other parents may take for granted. My husband and I were putting sheet rock up to create a ceiling in my den. (Don't ask) Ben climbed up the ladder, grabbed the hammer, and declared "Bob the Builder" while he hammered away. Now tell me if I'm wrong, but is that imaginative play? I thought so!

It's been weeks since we've had a potty incident, and he's spending the nights in his room. I hope he knows how proud and amazed we are by him. I don't think he could

the good the bad, and the ugly

The Good
I've read several posts this morning of the change in time adversly affecting kids. Who needs another issue?
Ben slipped right into it. He always does. This kid can handle a change with a skip in his step. Last week his schedule was Monday and Wednesday school, and the other days he went back to his daycare he hasn't been to since September. any issues? nope. No problem.
Time change... any issues? nope. He's right on schedule.
Additionally, the last two weeks, there hasn't been an accident or an on purpose. We're constantly hearing the toilet lid lifted, and occasionally he finishes up with a flush... not often, but seriously, who's complaining.
Lastly, Ben has spent the last 6 months falling asleep in our bed, and then being carried upstairs. Nightly he would wake up, and spend the remainder of the night in our bed. Three sunday's ago, I get it in my mind that it's time for him to sleep in his own bed. We explain to him that he's going to stay in his room, blah blah blah... Son of a Bitch if he doesn't just start doing it. Really? It would have been that easy all along? I take him up, give him a bath, get the jamies on, and we do lay in bed with him till he falls out.. but.. If he wakes up, he'll flip on his light (which we only have a 20 watt bulb),. and in his own bed he stays for the night. SWEET!!!!!!
The bad... Ben had his flu shot. Wasn't he one of the two kids who had a local reaction to it. Arm got red, swollen. Poor guy! Seriously...He can't even tell us if it hurts. We knew it itched, but did it hurt? We have no idea. I hate that!!!
The ugly... I spent the weekend running around and doing some serious laundry and cleaning. Brent and I sat in bed last night recounting all we had gotten done, and aside from the sore hips and knees, we felt pretty damn good! I love being able to say we were productive.
Oh yeah, the ugly part was I never showered this weekend, and my hair would have housed several rats, and their friends. Took two conditionings to get the knots out this morning.
One cute note - Brent and I were on the hunt for Thanksgiving decorations. They are ridicuously hard to find. We went to the Christmas Tree Shop, Cracker Barrel, Target, and Wegmans. I guess being thankful is not a profitable thing. While we were at CrackerBarrel there was a display of Willows. They're wooden figurines depicting special moments. Brent showed interest, and was showing me the ones he liked. I was expecting one of a child for Ben, but no... it was a couple holding each other, and another of a couple sitting together on a bench. That sly romantic! You know he got steak for dinner.....

never say never

I have two older sons. One is 21, and the other is 19.
I always worked, and never was the room mom sort. I was young when I had them, 21 for the first, and still thought I might be cool. Room mom was not cool.
I always sent in items, and would volunteer on occasion, but for some reason, work took a front seat to many things.
Evenings I was always present. sport practices, games, and the DREADED band and choral events.
When we found out we were pregnant with Ben we made big jokes. If he wants to join band or chorus, he better make sure he has a ride, because after 12 years of those damn things, We're never going to another one again....

http://welcometomyplanet4.blogspot.com/

I changed my mind.......