I can't decide. Ben.....
Ben has taken to dropping his pants wherever he may be in the house and peeing on the carpet, etc. The house is his litter box. Now.. he knows he doesn't want to be wet, and he has to go. Is he being naughty.. or autism
It's a daily struggle I'm going thru on how to handle his behaviours and quirks. I really wonder if I'm giving him credit for knowing exactly what he's doing, and just being louzy at discipline.
I really do believe children do best with boundries and expectations. I SUCKED at that with my older two and they're currently paying the price. I constantly strived for peace. It was a tough situation with two CONSTANT teenage boys. If it wasn't one, it was the other, and how I made it through I don't know. They still haven't made it through. The older one is working two menial jobs and lives in FL. He sounds pretty happy, and he's just cruising through life. He turned 21 on Monday, and I have to remind him that at 21 cruising through life is acceptable, but he's only going to blink and be 30. Where does he want to be then?
The 18 yr old...... sigh.... I can't explain him. He's his own worst enemy. He has decided to take on a persona, and it's not a good one. He is actually a person that no one wants to be around. You can treat him with kindness, he'll see weakness. Have patience... he'll dig and dig and dig until he gets you. We had to ask him to leave.
He has gone to and been asked to leave:
both of his grandmothers houses
I sent him to FL where he wanted to be with his brother. I set him up with a roomate who works and goes to school. bascially never there. Told him I'd pay his first 3 months rent, and he just had to get a job. Within the first month, he did damage to the guys house, and was asked/told to leave.
He went to an establishment known as covenenant house. They take in teens, teach them life skills, and help them get an apartment/job/etc. He lasted 5 days. This is a place that is used to dealting with difficult kids.... 5 days.
He's now back in PA and I don't know where he goes from here. I know that everything he's doing he's pushing everyone further and further away. I know he needs something, but for the life of me.. I don't know what.
And then.. back to Ben. To know/suspect, that Ben will never have that "typical" life we all hope for our kids. It's a wonder I bother to get out of bed in the morning.
tired...tired...tired...
But, then he'll look at me, smile, close his eyes and give me a kiss..... ahhhhhhh
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
If you pray
I'm not very religious. I envy more then most can imagine those who have a solid faith. It'snot that I don't believe, I just don't have the conviction to religion many others have.
If you do, or even if you don't....
Take a minute, visit this site, and please say a prayer....
http://emmadunnam.blogspot.com/
If you do, or even if you don't....
Take a minute, visit this site, and please say a prayer....
http://emmadunnam.blogspot.com/
Friday, January 22, 2010
My normal confronted.. a few times
The whole family was off yesterday. Ben had an appointment at the seating clinic at Childrens Hospital. Ben is very mobile, yet refuses to walk EVAH out in public. We're able to carry him now.. but that time is limited.
We get there, and meet with a PT and vendor for the coaches. They roll it in, and it just plain looks medicinal. It's 1/2 wheelchair, and 1/2 stroller. YUCK!!!!! I ask the vendor if they have anything else. Crazy question? He returns with "This isn't Baby's R Us with the selection". Now... I'm at Children's with a purpose, so this asshole isn't going to get me started. The price you ask?.... $1,600..... WHAT!!!! We're told that many people who have children with mobility issues are being denied by insurance. Interestingly enough, we've always been thrilled with our insurance, and don't expect any issue. Who'd think Ben running into the river last week would be so timely. We used that example of why he needs restraint and... that's a pretty good one. Our insurance asks for a 10% copay. That's $160.00. Doable. Those who have benefits through my work pay 50% of durable equipment. That's 800.00 and change. WOW! and how about those that have children that simply are not mobile. What the HELL!
Last night, after children's, I went to the Home Show with my husband and Ben. We got there right at opening (4pm), We walked the aisles, and Brent squeeled quietly every now and then.
It was one of those times where I knew what I saw as normal, others didn't. How many vendors made an extra fuss over Ben. He recieved many of their trinkets, brochures, and even had an offer to go to work for a man. Of course while all this is going on, Ben never acknowledged a single one of them. I knew they could see he was different, and they were being extra nice. I friggin hated it! As soon as someone would start in, I'd look down and away from the vendors to see what was catching people attention. Low and Behold, there's be Ben, flapping, babbling, having what is refered by another mother as "a puppet hand". That description was perfect for what Ben does, so if your child has a puppet hand. you know.
I do know that the public being extra nice, supportative, sweet to Ben shows the world is full of compassion, caring, and generally good people. I just don't want it to have to be for Ben. Leave me alone!!!!
At the end, we were passing a stand where a woman was selling Discovery Toys. Brent stopped to show Ben a ball maze. The woman 55+ or so, begins her selling and then says, "your son is specail needs". I didn't want to reply. I hated thinking that in 3 minutes she could see he wasn't "typical". Can't everyone just leave me and my normal alone.
I answered "yes"... slowely.... and she procedded to tell my husband that her 2nd son was on the Aspbergers spectrum. I KNOW I should have then talked to her like an extended family. She's been there..... but I didn't. I accepted the brochure, and walked away.
Of course when I sleep on it, and step away for a moment, I'm able to relate to my mother some semblence of the story. She tells me of course he stood out. He's gorgous and high energy. Of course everyone would notice him..... to be that blissfully blind.....ahhhhhh
We get there, and meet with a PT and vendor for the coaches. They roll it in, and it just plain looks medicinal. It's 1/2 wheelchair, and 1/2 stroller. YUCK!!!!! I ask the vendor if they have anything else. Crazy question? He returns with "This isn't Baby's R Us with the selection". Now... I'm at Children's with a purpose, so this asshole isn't going to get me started. The price you ask?.... $1,600..... WHAT!!!! We're told that many people who have children with mobility issues are being denied by insurance. Interestingly enough, we've always been thrilled with our insurance, and don't expect any issue. Who'd think Ben running into the river last week would be so timely. We used that example of why he needs restraint and... that's a pretty good one. Our insurance asks for a 10% copay. That's $160.00. Doable. Those who have benefits through my work pay 50% of durable equipment. That's 800.00 and change. WOW! and how about those that have children that simply are not mobile. What the HELL!
Last night, after children's, I went to the Home Show with my husband and Ben. We got there right at opening (4pm), We walked the aisles, and Brent squeeled quietly every now and then.
It was one of those times where I knew what I saw as normal, others didn't. How many vendors made an extra fuss over Ben. He recieved many of their trinkets, brochures, and even had an offer to go to work for a man. Of course while all this is going on, Ben never acknowledged a single one of them. I knew they could see he was different, and they were being extra nice. I friggin hated it! As soon as someone would start in, I'd look down and away from the vendors to see what was catching people attention. Low and Behold, there's be Ben, flapping, babbling, having what is refered by another mother as "a puppet hand". That description was perfect for what Ben does, so if your child has a puppet hand. you know.
I do know that the public being extra nice, supportative, sweet to Ben shows the world is full of compassion, caring, and generally good people. I just don't want it to have to be for Ben. Leave me alone!!!!
At the end, we were passing a stand where a woman was selling Discovery Toys. Brent stopped to show Ben a ball maze. The woman 55+ or so, begins her selling and then says, "your son is specail needs". I didn't want to reply. I hated thinking that in 3 minutes she could see he wasn't "typical". Can't everyone just leave me and my normal alone.
I answered "yes"... slowely.... and she procedded to tell my husband that her 2nd son was on the Aspbergers spectrum. I KNOW I should have then talked to her like an extended family. She's been there..... but I didn't. I accepted the brochure, and walked away.
Of course when I sleep on it, and step away for a moment, I'm able to relate to my mother some semblence of the story. She tells me of course he stood out. He's gorgous and high energy. Of course everyone would notice him..... to be that blissfully blind.....ahhhhhh
Monday, January 18, 2010
things you never hear yourself saying
I went swimming, in a creek, in January, in PA. Go figure.
Day started off nice enough. I took Ben to the park, which he absolutly ASTOUNDED me by pedaling his new bike the whole way there. I steered, but he absolutly pedaled.
Funny, he did not want to wear his helmet. Thankfully dad lets go with " Helmet... so we can be safe". His hero Diego says this, and bam... no argument, just puts on the helmet.
After the park, we decide to take the dog to the dog park. We were all having fun, but because I've become a huge nerve all the time, I start to worry about ben around dogs, and looking them in the eye... whatever. I tell Brent I'm going to take Ben to throw rocks in the water,
I get down a little drop, and can tell it's muddy. I sit ben on a log, and turn for the famous second to pick up a rock to hand him. That quick... and I mean quick, he's taking off for the water. Now... he's 40lbs, and sinks some into the mud.... but he's quickly starting to hit the water. I'm not going to tell you how many times his weight I am, but he's up to his ankles, when I jump after him, and am in mid-thigh mud, I grab for him once..miss... second time I get his hood, which proceeds to unsnap... third time a charm. Well, now I'm wet, muddy, and have pulled a thigh muscle from forward motion being brutally stopped by muck. To top it off, it's a very public area, and I have a women across the creak horrified watching.
Ben is completely unmoved by the situation, instead accentuating the positive. He's sure he's now going to get a shower.
I call to my husband (who's chatting it up on a park bench with some lady) Brent.... we have to go now..... He thinks Ben has had an accident till he rounds the car and sees me wet and muddy from head to toe.... his words... "Oh my".. priceless.
Day started off nice enough. I took Ben to the park, which he absolutly ASTOUNDED me by pedaling his new bike the whole way there. I steered, but he absolutly pedaled.
Funny, he did not want to wear his helmet. Thankfully dad lets go with " Helmet... so we can be safe". His hero Diego says this, and bam... no argument, just puts on the helmet.
After the park, we decide to take the dog to the dog park. We were all having fun, but because I've become a huge nerve all the time, I start to worry about ben around dogs, and looking them in the eye... whatever. I tell Brent I'm going to take Ben to throw rocks in the water,
I get down a little drop, and can tell it's muddy. I sit ben on a log, and turn for the famous second to pick up a rock to hand him. That quick... and I mean quick, he's taking off for the water. Now... he's 40lbs, and sinks some into the mud.... but he's quickly starting to hit the water. I'm not going to tell you how many times his weight I am, but he's up to his ankles, when I jump after him, and am in mid-thigh mud, I grab for him once..miss... second time I get his hood, which proceeds to unsnap... third time a charm. Well, now I'm wet, muddy, and have pulled a thigh muscle from forward motion being brutally stopped by muck. To top it off, it's a very public area, and I have a women across the creak horrified watching.
Ben is completely unmoved by the situation, instead accentuating the positive. He's sure he's now going to get a shower.
I call to my husband (who's chatting it up on a park bench with some lady) Brent.... we have to go now..... He thinks Ben has had an accident till he rounds the car and sees me wet and muddy from head to toe.... his words... "Oh my".. priceless.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
when he's busy... we're all busy
Well.... Ben has picked up a new past time. It involves plumbing.
On Saturday, my husband discovered our downstairs bathroom not flushing. Of course the fact that Ben's been enjoying throwing a variety of objects into the toilet and trying to flush them, we weren't overly suprised. This one was tricky though... just the right size to make it down the drain, but get caught in the elbos.
Brent took off the toilet (all those home improvement books at work) and off to the Home Depot. While we're there, we decide our blue paint, hideous border, and ripped up floor could "easily" be replaced during this repair. Of course the fact we decide to do this renovation at 1pm on Saturday, already promising to go to my mothers house for dinner.... what the hell!
Well.... long story short. The bathroom is small, and only Brent could work comfortably (at least that's what I told him).. low and behold by Sunday night... fresh paint, fresh floor,.... just have to get that toilet back on.
Brent's sitting in the middle of our den, with a flashlight peering in the toilets intricite ins/outs.
He asks me to shake the toilet... I do... the seat and lid come down on his fingers. He's still keeping a positive outlook.
Ben steals his flashlight and runs.... Ben comes running back into the room with scissors (how cliche right!). I take them away, yell at Brent for leaving them around, Ben flies past us again with his plastic scissors.
Long story short (I know, too late) Brent whines he really needs his flashlight. I begin looking... nowhere to be found...when suddenly.... I look in the sewer pipe left open by the missing toilet. voila! I then get to reach into the golden pipe and retrieve the light and scissors. Don't you wonder what got away?
The next day driving home, I'm reinforcing that good boys don't throw/flush things in the toilet, and Bens a good boy right!!!!
Well... That evening he stayed away from the toilet, instead jamming 15 Q-Tips down our sink.
Thank God we've been smited with a sick sense of humor. Some how we laugh at it.
On Saturday, my husband discovered our downstairs bathroom not flushing. Of course the fact that Ben's been enjoying throwing a variety of objects into the toilet and trying to flush them, we weren't overly suprised. This one was tricky though... just the right size to make it down the drain, but get caught in the elbos.
Brent took off the toilet (all those home improvement books at work) and off to the Home Depot. While we're there, we decide our blue paint, hideous border, and ripped up floor could "easily" be replaced during this repair. Of course the fact we decide to do this renovation at 1pm on Saturday, already promising to go to my mothers house for dinner.... what the hell!
Well.... long story short. The bathroom is small, and only Brent could work comfortably (at least that's what I told him).. low and behold by Sunday night... fresh paint, fresh floor,.... just have to get that toilet back on.
Brent's sitting in the middle of our den, with a flashlight peering in the toilets intricite ins/outs.
He asks me to shake the toilet... I do... the seat and lid come down on his fingers. He's still keeping a positive outlook.
Ben steals his flashlight and runs.... Ben comes running back into the room with scissors (how cliche right!). I take them away, yell at Brent for leaving them around, Ben flies past us again with his plastic scissors.
Long story short (I know, too late) Brent whines he really needs his flashlight. I begin looking... nowhere to be found...when suddenly.... I look in the sewer pipe left open by the missing toilet. voila! I then get to reach into the golden pipe and retrieve the light and scissors. Don't you wonder what got away?
The next day driving home, I'm reinforcing that good boys don't throw/flush things in the toilet, and Bens a good boy right!!!!
Well... That evening he stayed away from the toilet, instead jamming 15 Q-Tips down our sink.
Thank God we've been smited with a sick sense of humor. Some how we laugh at it.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
ahhhh the holidays
When I look around blog land, it seems a lot of us have been taking some time off. I doubt many are relaxing, because it seems to be the rule.. you need a vacation, after your vacation.
Christmas in the Levin house was fun and festive. My oldest son living in Fl, returned for the holidays. His gift was the ticket (that's so I could be sure it was round-trip)(lol).
Santa was good to Ben. He got his first bicycle. Santa shopped at the neighborhood bike store. I like to give buisness to the little guy, and the shop does contribute a lot to causes.
Do you think the bike was the big oooohhhhh? No. The cheap $20.00 guitar is currently be coveted.
Ben likes to pass it to his father and me to play and sing. Neither of us can play, and trust me... neither of us can sing either! Yet... To Ben we might as well be playing Carnegie Hall.
The day after Christmas we went for a family breakfast at my brothers. They have 7 year old twins, a dog and were babysitting a dog. Ben does thrive in Chaos. Another thing we're lucky about. He can handle activity, noise, and non-routine activities. He took root, and after 5 hours when we were ready to go, had to drag him out without his coat or shoes. sigh... I'm exhausted!
Any plans for tonight you ask? Hell no! It almost annoys me I have to traditionally stay up until 12. We're typically lights off at 10:30.
We go to another party at my brothers tomorow. This is friends and family, so I'll have to keep a real eye out for Ben.
My sister-in-laws family travel with their dogs. That's a minimum of 3 dogs, 800 kids and 40 adults... (ok, i exagerate with the kids #, but if you were within 2miles, you'd swear there was 800 kids too!!!)
Happy New Year to all! And I hope that "special" wish comes true for everyone!!!!!
Christmas in the Levin house was fun and festive. My oldest son living in Fl, returned for the holidays. His gift was the ticket (that's so I could be sure it was round-trip)(lol).
Santa was good to Ben. He got his first bicycle. Santa shopped at the neighborhood bike store. I like to give buisness to the little guy, and the shop does contribute a lot to causes.
Do you think the bike was the big oooohhhhh? No. The cheap $20.00 guitar is currently be coveted.
Ben likes to pass it to his father and me to play and sing. Neither of us can play, and trust me... neither of us can sing either! Yet... To Ben we might as well be playing Carnegie Hall.
The day after Christmas we went for a family breakfast at my brothers. They have 7 year old twins, a dog and were babysitting a dog. Ben does thrive in Chaos. Another thing we're lucky about. He can handle activity, noise, and non-routine activities. He took root, and after 5 hours when we were ready to go, had to drag him out without his coat or shoes. sigh... I'm exhausted!
Any plans for tonight you ask? Hell no! It almost annoys me I have to traditionally stay up until 12. We're typically lights off at 10:30.
We go to another party at my brothers tomorow. This is friends and family, so I'll have to keep a real eye out for Ben.
My sister-in-laws family travel with their dogs. That's a minimum of 3 dogs, 800 kids and 40 adults... (ok, i exagerate with the kids #, but if you were within 2miles, you'd swear there was 800 kids too!!!)
Happy New Year to all! And I hope that "special" wish comes true for everyone!!!!!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Karma, ying and yang, or Poetic Justice
There are things we are taught as youngsters that stick with us. Traits that are unbecoming.
Pride - I was prideful. It all began Thursday. I polished my furniture, windexed my windows, vacuamed and swept my floors. My house was looking good.... I was full of Pride. I swear I wasn't done putting the dining chairs back when I thought...huh... the dog and Ben are awlfully quiet. Ben was in my jewelry box, and Fletcher had "found" an entire sleeve of ritz crackers that he was eating in the den. When he saw me coming, he took off like a bat out of hell and ran through the living room and dining room trailing pieces behind him. I left the crumbs for 2 days.
Gluttony - I was at a b-day party on Sunday. I had taken a piece of cake and wasn't able to eat it do to Ben being on the move. I asked the hostess for a piece of plastic wrap, and she in turn carved a hunk of cake and wrapped it all up. I was looking forward to a BIG piece now. Got home, set it on the toaster, on the back of my counter. 15 minutes later, came to get Ben's milk and laughingly asked the dog "what are you doing". He turned and gave me a full frontal of a snout smeared with icing..... Damn it!
Pride cam back - Ok, I'm not talking to my husband. When I get mad I clean. If you were to come to my house, you'd assume I'm in a pretty good mood most of the time... heheheh. I scrubbed, scoured and generally cleaned every surface of my house. I bragged to friends and co-workers my house hasn't been this clean since the day I moved in. Yesterday Ben came home from school, dropped off his clothes as he walked and proceeded to pee on the bathroom door, floor, and rug. This is while I'm looking at total desecretion of the toilet paper the dog spent the day tearing up, as well as continuing to eat my faux tile floor. The house is back to normal
I still kissed Ben goodnight, and Fletcher got his nightly treat..... I'm still not talking to my husband....Somebody's got to pay LOL
Pride - I was prideful. It all began Thursday. I polished my furniture, windexed my windows, vacuamed and swept my floors. My house was looking good.... I was full of Pride. I swear I wasn't done putting the dining chairs back when I thought...huh... the dog and Ben are awlfully quiet. Ben was in my jewelry box, and Fletcher had "found" an entire sleeve of ritz crackers that he was eating in the den. When he saw me coming, he took off like a bat out of hell and ran through the living room and dining room trailing pieces behind him. I left the crumbs for 2 days.
Gluttony - I was at a b-day party on Sunday. I had taken a piece of cake and wasn't able to eat it do to Ben being on the move. I asked the hostess for a piece of plastic wrap, and she in turn carved a hunk of cake and wrapped it all up. I was looking forward to a BIG piece now. Got home, set it on the toaster, on the back of my counter. 15 minutes later, came to get Ben's milk and laughingly asked the dog "what are you doing". He turned and gave me a full frontal of a snout smeared with icing..... Damn it!
Pride cam back - Ok, I'm not talking to my husband. When I get mad I clean. If you were to come to my house, you'd assume I'm in a pretty good mood most of the time... heheheh. I scrubbed, scoured and generally cleaned every surface of my house. I bragged to friends and co-workers my house hasn't been this clean since the day I moved in. Yesterday Ben came home from school, dropped off his clothes as he walked and proceeded to pee on the bathroom door, floor, and rug. This is while I'm looking at total desecretion of the toilet paper the dog spent the day tearing up, as well as continuing to eat my faux tile floor. The house is back to normal
I still kissed Ben goodnight, and Fletcher got his nightly treat..... I'm still not talking to my husband....Somebody's got to pay LOL
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)