Sooo Polite

So what's new, what's been happening? Absolutely nothing.
In my younger years, I was quite the thrill seaker. I could not stay in the house for fear I was missing something.
These days... I get home from work, shut the door, and that's it. I live in a 60's era environment. My husband walks thru the door at 7:10, and I am putting the dinner on the table. Timed.... My kids tell me there's something wrong with me (you know I agree!), butI tell them, they need to look for a wife who will do the same (Good luck suckers!)
Our excitement has been rollerskating, swimming, and walks in the woods. Sound like I'm filling out a personals ad. The beauty is, we found the rink in our neighboorhood, it only costs $7.00, and Brent and I can walk Ben around the rink without having to put on skates. He seems to enjoy it, and is doing as well as any of the "typical" kids we see. He'll have his moments of adventourous and drop our hands. We're so proud, and the smile on his face says he is too. Swimming... same as ever. He's a flipping, twirling dervish, and Brent and I are like to toads. We sit there with nothing but our heads sticking out of the water. It could not be described as any form of exercise whatsoever for us, but boy, does Ben sleep those nights.
Walks in the woods are my idea. The hard part is getting on your shoes and out the door. Once we do, we completely enjoy it. We bring the dog, who has this strange ass habit of not going to the bathroom anywhere but our yard. Thanks for that! Ben throws rocks in the water, climbs a tree, and still rides in his coach. He would never walk that far (I think), and has no issue with climbing in and being pushed. The fact that he'll be six soon.... details...
Additionally, he's learned to be quite polite when asking for something. The old "WANT MILK!" has been replaced with "I'd like milk please." how nice. The old "TUBBY!" has now been replaced with "I'd like to take a bath in the tub please". Now some may think that this is additional learned language, etc. I know he's just figured out how to wrap us even tighter around that little finger of his. He's so freaking adorable, the words no would seem profane! Remember he's often asking for milk at 4am, while he sleeps smack dab between Brent and I, for the last 9 months......romance? I swear I don't remember what the word is. I've decided tht Brent and I could be brother and sister, and nothing much would change... but that's a rant I'll go on another day.
Now with it being Friday, and I have no forseeable plans, I guess we'll be skating, swimming, and doing Ben's bidding for another wonderful weekend. I hope at least!

what if they're wrong

you know that famous saying "God only gives you what you can handle"....
What if they're wrong? Do you ever have days where you're sure you just can't handle it? Those days seem like they're closing in. I find myself listening to co-workers talk about their lazy weekends and their self-centered times, and I know.... I'm not going to get a turn, I'll never have that light at the end of the tunnel,where I get to worry about me. and all I keep thinking is "holy sht

what if they're wrong?

I'm a thief

http://welcometomyplanet4.blogspot.com/2011/01/swallowed.html

I'm a theif. I don't have the words, just the emotion. I read posts, and literally sit in my office (private, thank god) with tears coming down my eyes. Sometimes it's too much. I have to go in the bathroom (again private) and splash water on my face. Take a minute to breath. Let it go.
If I were an animal, I'd be an ostrich. I'm constantly putting my face in the sand. If I can't see it, it won't hurt me.
In our home, we're normal. Ben's this remarkably happy guy, who is smart, engaged, and loving. We totally "get him"
Step outside, and we know he's smart and engaged....others..not so much.
We too get the diverted gazes. the waitress who just keeps talking over his babbeling. Now that Ben's 5+, we don't get the isn't he adorable so much anymore. He too is fading in the outside world. He too is the one who is carefully overlooked. I've honestly seen parents remove their children from the pool, or play area because you can see the visable panick that their young child will vocalize a question or comment on Ben and his "unusual" behavior. I don't hold it against them . I understand. That was me.
Thanks to those who can articulate the right thiing to do though. I'll never look away, or walk away again.

He wears it on his sleave.

I'm talking about my husband Brent. If I were talking about Ben, it would pretty much be ketchup he wears on his sleave, but Brent... It's autism.
Brent is a warrior in his own way. He's a big guy, who wears an autism ribbon we got from the Phila. Zoo on autism day. He wears it in work, and anywear we go out. I think he thinks it has magic power. So far, we've never had to deal with a single public problem with anyone. That, or it's like a lions growl warning anyone who thinks about making a comment about Ben being loud, or moving, or just being his little autistic self. Fair warning.
I was reading Welcome to my Planet, and saw she contributes to a different site. Autism Sucks. Well... that's true, so I checked it out. While there, one of there sponsers had the Autism t-shirts etc.
http://www.fibers.com/shop/autism

I bought one for Brent (2XL), it came Saturday. As much of an old man he is some days, let a package come in the mail and he's like a 3 year old.

I being the permissive parent that I am (yes... I might as well be Brents mother as well as his wife) I let him open it up. Thrilled, probably doesn't cover it. A tee shirt that costs 30 bucks is not like me at all. I'm that lady that doesn't go out to eat without being able to say to the waiter/waitress "I have a coupon", doesn't typically splurge, but it was well worth it. There he is like a child again, asking permission to wear it to work. Dude!!! If you wear it, and it doesn't sit in your drawer, then it was worth every penny. Do what you want!!!

Now that's him. Me, I'm a little different. I'm only just starting to come around to being open about Ben. I'll now say it when I'm having random conversations about day care or christmas. Being able to say, Ben doesn't say much, but he let's us know what he likes/wants. I'll get that confused look, and then I'll say he's autistic... didn't you know? When of course I know they wouldn't have. Baby steps. I know I've said it before, it's not embarresment, it's not shame, it just the chance of pity, or god forbid the stupid remark. It's even the fear of someone asking me "What is that" I would have a tough time explaining all that it is.

Happy Birthday Big guy, and if you're good, maybe I'll get you a travel mug next!

I have to tip my hat

I have about 20 blogs I read daily. Each day I start the computer, it's email first, and then straight to my favorites tab to read what's going on in "their/your" world. Most blogs I read have pretty daily updates. Now and again, and a day is skipped, but that's ok, I just move on. I used to read a different kind of blog. They were very heart wrenching and moving. So much so that they began to effect me.
Then, I came across a couple of autism blogs and enjoyed/related/could have written them myslef. I'm hooked. Some are heart wrenching, many move me, but I swear the power of humor is a deep well in this community!!! I laugh my ass off, when I'm sure much of this could make a weaker man cry. How does cleaning up a strategically placed shit = humor? I don't know, but thank god for it.
So, why is it it's so hard for me to write? God knows I can talk. I like to even think of myself as entertaining..... whatever! But... to sit and put it down? Tough. So I tip my hat to those who can. This blogging thing is great. It's hard to feel like your out there alone when so many artfully write exactly what your thinking.
So Thank you!

It's the holiday season...

Happy Holiday's!

I'm just starting to allow myself to decompress. What a busy time its been.

Of course the fact I do it to myself doesn't help, but... I have to be me.

Let's see.

The Saturday before Christmas I baked my Christmas cookies. For all the baking and cooking I do, you'd probably think I enjoy time in the kitchen. WRONG! I hate it. I do it because it's a tradition, they're enjoyed by friends and family, and I have for Ben alone 15 people who care for him on a daily basis. I tin up cookies for all and give a WaWa gift certificate. So.. back to the cookies. I baked about 500. Durint this time, I also shopped for my husbands family gifts, and attempted to clean the house for the Hanukah party I was hosting on Sunday. I decided if Christmas had cookies, Hanukah should have a jewish apple cake, and so I baked one of them too. (crack head). I made my infamous (I should be humble, but it's just that good) matza ball soup. The time was definately interesting. It was the first time in over a year that his mother had been in my house. (see post 10/09/09). I can't stand to look at her. Did this holiday season improve that thought. No. She bought Ben two cheap ass gifts. Now that I don't have issue with. I can see her thinking, "Oh, they invite me to a party where gifts are given, screw them." Valid. no problem. The thing is... I hear her talking to her other two grandchildren, telling them "You know you got your gifts already, so I didn't bring you anything" Huh.... Hanukah had been in the begining of December, so I guess she made sure to get them something, but Ben could kiss her ass. HATE HER!!!!!! Have no use for her!!!! Hopes she finds herself miles away in a foreign country missing a passport.... falalala...lalalala. Back to the season.

Tuesday was Ben's school party. It was the one thing that I truly was stressed over. Isn't that sick? I had myself in knots over treats and activities for 5 children who may or may not be interested. who may or may not understand the fuss. and yet....

I baked cupcakes on monday (that's right... rub in the 3rd day of baking) and did the decorate your own cupcake thing again. Had fruit, juice, etc. The party was scheduled for two hours. (That's a long friggin time!) I arrive at the school loaded down! I'm carrying cupcakes, juice, water, cookies, activities, decorations. I could barely hold it. I pull into the parking lot at 1:02 - I hate being even that late, jump out of the car... and then it happens. Fire Drill. Are you kidding me? Anywho, that was the only fly in the ointment. I finally get to the class (which feels like 6 city blocks away). The kids see me, and to the adults amusement, immediately sit down for snack. Isn't that cute! I must look like the cupcake lady.

My shopping was completed on Tuesday morning and Thursday morning. Wrapping done friday, and Christmas morning was wonderful.

Ben recieved a set of drums. He walked out of our bedroom (yeah, he's back sleeping there again) and stopped dead in his tracks. He opened gifts, and was happy. Along with the drums he got a keyboard. The day was spent playing with toys, and telling us he's "making music"

Hope your days were full of fun, and family.