Friday, February 4, 2011

what if they're wrong

you know that famous saying "God only gives you what you can handle"....
What if they're wrong? Do you ever have days where you're sure you just can't handle it? Those days seem like they're closing in. I find myself listening to co-workers talk about their lazy weekends and their self-centered times, and I know.... I'm not going to get a turn, I'll never have that light at the end of the tunnel,where I get to worry about me. and all I keep thinking is "holy sht

what if they're wrong?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I'm a thief

http://welcometomyplanet4.blogspot.com/2011/01/swallowed.html

I'm a theif. I don't have the words, just the emotion. I read posts, and literally sit in my office (private, thank god) with tears coming down my eyes. Sometimes it's too much. I have to go in the bathroom (again private) and splash water on my face. Take a minute to breath. Let it go.
If I were an animal, I'd be an ostrich. I'm constantly putting my face in the sand. If I can't see it, it won't hurt me.
In our home, we're normal. Ben's this remarkably happy guy, who is smart, engaged, and loving. We totally "get him"
Step outside, and we know he's smart and engaged....others..not so much.
We too get the diverted gazes. the waitress who just keeps talking over his babbeling. Now that Ben's 5+, we don't get the isn't he adorable so much anymore. He too is fading in the outside world. He too is the one who is carefully overlooked. I've honestly seen parents remove their children from the pool, or play area because you can see the visable panick that their young child will vocalize a question or comment on Ben and his "unusual" behavior. I don't hold it against them . I understand. That was me.
Thanks to those who can articulate the right thiing to do though. I'll never look away, or walk away again.