I spent a lot of time with Ben this weekend. Alone.

I spent a lot of time with Ben this weekend. Alone.

Saturday, Brent went to help his sister and her husband at their house. I never mind when he goes, but believe it or not, I feel like Ben is a two man job. While Brent was gone I took Ben to the park to throw rocks in the water. Sounds good on paper, sounded good to Ben. the execution of this activity... not so much.
I did get Ben to walk. That itself is a feat. Funny thing is, doesn't he decide to run. Great! I'd of worn my good bra had a known that! We make it to "our" spot. Now needless to say, sitting BY the creek was unsatisfactory. He REALLY wanted to be sitting in the creek. This leads to anxiety attacks, and raised voices (all mine)
We stay for awhile then make our way back to the car. His wet gritty pants must have been uncomfortable, because he tried disrobing the entire time. Good lord have mercy!!!
Sunday, Brent had his own agenda of outside chores he wanted to accomplish. This left me with Ben again. I decided to be brave and go to Wegmans with just the two of us.
It was not a pleasnat trip. A "funny" thing ben says is when he wants to get on our shoulders( which is anytime we're out of the house" he says "put on sweater". I guess he thinks he's our sweater... wacko!
well... by the time dinner rolled around last night, I started thinking... If Brent and I were to seperate/divorce (and remember, we had gotten along like two peas in a pod all weekend), at least I would have 3 days a week of peace. yeah, the other days may be hard, but the days Brent had Ben would be full of peace.
Reeks of desperation huh!
Additionlly in the morning, I thought, I'm 42 yrs old... I have an almost 5 yr old... and there's no end in sight. Can that get your heart beating and your bloodpressure up? I may never have the peace that I've always wanted. How do I get through another night?
But I did. I played, I laughed, I ate, and I made it through another night.

Sorry if this was a downer!