then say nothing at all

I had a dental appt last night. I've been going pretty frequently for a variety of issues, and have gotten to know my dentist and his wife, who is the office manager, pretty well.
I always have waited in the parking lot for Brent to pick up Ben on his way home. Last time, Brent and I had an appt together, so Ben went in. He wasn't happy, but it didn't take hime long to get comfortable.
Last night, I told Brent I would bring Ben inside and wait for him there. The dentist asked me to come back, and his wife said she would keep an eye on Ben. I let her know he probably wouldn't respond to her conversation, and she replied "that's alright, I'll talk to him anyway." Great answer!
When I went and sat in the chair, the dentists comment was "I guess you have a long road ahead with him". Now... I found that to be annoying. What should my reply be? Oh yeah.. whoa is me?
Why would he say it? Is that a normal comment? Am I really just an oversensitive b*tch?
Funny thing though... When I was going back to the exam room, the wife said to lock the door. Keep Ben from a grand escape. Well, she must have been on the phone when Brent arrived and knocked, but Ben kept flipping up the mail slot and peeking out at him before going off to play again. how cute is that!

things aren't always how they appear

I went to pick Ben up from his SACC program yesterday. I haven't mentioned how much I LOVE it. SACC is the school based child care. I went from paying 800 a month and being FAR from thrilled with the daycare (remember.. that was for 2 1/2 hrs a day) to 224.00 a month! Sweet!
Not to mention, there's a slew of staff and one has taken a personal interest in Ben. When I go to pick him up, he's running around the playground with a permant smile on his face. How refreshing!
With that said, Thursday's I get out of work early. I got to the SACC program and saw Ben laying on a mat, on the stage of the all-purpose room (gym/lunchoom/auditorium)
about 5 other children are standing around him. My thought " Isn't that nice.. look at all those kids taking an interest in Ben.) I walk up to the group when a 7 yr old girl looks at me and says "Finally!"
huh.... Turns out, Ben was getting very frustrated at the wait to go out on the playground and proceed to scream shrilly. The kids had come to see what was going on.
When I took Ben out, we sat on the curb, and I explained how going to Big Boy SACC was a privilege, and he had to behave like a big boy, etc. He did appear to listen intently, but…
Here's to a better day. And now, maybe I can afford that london broil I've had my eyes on...
(just kidding) :)

Who me?

THESE MOMS SHARE SPECIAL GIFTS

by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecelia. Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious, "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," says God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think that she even believes in you."

God smiles, "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods, "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says Momma for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations."

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice...and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, pen poised in midair.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

what should have been

Tuesday "should have been" a really big day in my house. The day that so many parents look forward to and dread all at the same time.
Ben had his first day of Kindergarden.
The thing is... Ben's been being picked up to go to school for two years now. So... it really wasn't that monumentel event I wish it had been.
Brent and I should have had him dressed to the nines (which we did), hair brushed (which we did) and delivered him to the school for the big walk up to the door.
We didn't.. I didn't even take the morning off. Why? That would be too upsetting to Ben. He's used to getting on the bus, but when I'm home, in his mind, it should be a day off. Why would I be home and not him? Days that I am off (few and far between), I pretend to leave and hide in the bedroom until he leaves for school.
So..... The big special day, was just another autismic day.
Brent and I tried to prepare him as best we could. We made several trips to the school to show him what it looked like. Spoke that Barcley was no longer his school.. played on the playground, crashed the door one day in August and recieved a 5 minute tour from the principal, and made an appointment with his teacher to meet her and the new room last week prior to the start.
We seriously try.
Ben's first day was pretty good. The teacher reported that although he did not want to get off the bus, she was able to coax him eventually, and he gave her a hug, took her hand, and walked off to her room. It was reported he had a happy day these first two days. Thank God!
Ben has also started another new program. The SACC program which is the school based after-care program. Our daycare cost should go from 800 per month to 229 per month. SWEET!
Only one little issue. Have I mentioned Ben has regressed with potty training. He is now averaging about 6 accidents per day. He's not even making an effort to go to the bathroom. WTF!!!! Seriously? Can't something just go right?
The after-care program said they would change him. just between you and me? My biggest fear? He'll whip out his stuff on the playground and just pee right there in the mulch. and then guess what? He's outtttaaaaa thereeeeee! Keep a good thought!
Our school district is off for the next two days (jewish holidays) so... Ben get's two days of school, get's used to it... and then off to daycare for two days. My head's spinning, my guess is his too.
Also the issue of communication....
Friday, I'll be picking Ben up about 2 and heading to the beach. We'll stay until Sunday building sandcastles, swimming, going on rides, eating pizza and icecread..... weeeeeeeee. oh pardon me, I just got excited. Hopefully Ben will be too!!!!!!