I crack myself up!

I just re-read the post of when I got Jenks (dog 2) That was damn funny!

Thing is, not much has changed. He is still insane! I think he's part rabbit, because he has so much energy he actually hops. He's filled out, and hasn't had an accident in our house since the begining. Thank God (deal breaker)

He is fantastic with Ben. Fletcher is not needy and probably a little full of himself. Jenks... we refere to as our junkyard dog, and quite frankly appreciative of everything.

Ben likes to have "Birthday parties" We get a small cake, put in the candles, sing to whomever we can think of (usually one of the dogs or a book character) wear hats, and have a grand ole time. Jenks is fine with the hats. haha. Fletcher has more class. The other night, Jenks was more then happy to oblige, until Fletcher couldn't take it, and snatched the hat right of his head.

Dog are funny as hell.

Ben. Ben is doing well. He's started to sing, which I think is progress. He sings, (not well) (get's that from me)

Favorite songs are Happy Birthday, Bob the builder, and twinkle twinkle. I enjoy each note and verse. He's begun to get homework. A letter he needs to trace (about 20 of them). An insight into his thinking, one day he didn't want to do it, so he drew a line through a whole section of letters. I told him we don't do that, and he responded with "Ahhh he's so cute" Player be playin! Can't blame him for trying. What else..... He's still sleeping in our bed. Between 11:30-1:30 the door alarm will go off (we have a sensor door bell that goes off when he leaves his room. the sensor is plugged in to our room, and has been a godsend! Why is it godsends are usually $19.95?) I can't say we mind. We've gotten used to it. The only unholy part!!!! That sucker GRINDS his teath. Wakes me up several times a night. Dentist says it's no problem, so I have to believe him, but talk about nails on a chalkboard!!!!!

We went to see his Dr at CHOP a couple weeks back. Like clock work we were going every 6 months. I may have said it before, but I wasnt' sure why. We'd have a conversation, they'd check his weight etc, and that would be it. This time the Dr asked, "what can I do to improve your lives?" Well, if she doesn't have a magic wand, or a crystal ball, really nothing I could think of. Now we'll only go 1x a yeaer.

We've gotten Ben into an excellent summer camp throught the JCC. It's called open hearts open doors (I think) Children are mainstreemed with all campers. They are given an advocate (one on one) and particpate in everything typical campers do. They have swim lessons and free swim each day, a lake with one of those tramplines, a water slide, etc. He'll go there instead of the extended year school. When I told his social worker, she let us know there were several children that go to the camp, and therapies are offered during the summer. The bus would pick Ben up, Bring him to school for OT and speach, and then he would be bussed to camp. Best of both worlds.

Me. I have an appointment tomorow at University of PA to get a second opinion for that whole MS thing. wheeeee!!!! It took 6 months to get the appt, and my guess is, another waste of time, It is what it is, and be done with it. I do feel good. It's funny because I think I must have had it for a while and never known. I'm pretty old for it to be a new thing, but now I notice things. I get tired, but will snap out of it. I feel dizzy sometimes. All and all though, really no complaints. God willing, I'll be 89 and shooting that stupic needle in me each day still saying "doing well!"

I have no choice. As all parents of kids with special needs know, I can't die. Ever.

Till next time!

a dirty little secret

I watched a U-Tube video today that had me in tears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iSlok6muY0&feature=player_embedded

Think before you speak. So easy to say, so easy to forget. I watched it, and then decided to forward it to others. "Others" consisted of quite a diverse group. Of course there was my husband, but along with him were several co-workers. Some who may get why I would send it, others who probably thought.. "What the Hell?"
I even had a reply of "Why is the queen of sarcasm suddenly getting so sincere and sentimental?" The dirty secret is..... I was torn about sending it out. It was emotional to me, and choosing who to send it to... little do they know, but they were all chosen for a reason. Whether it was because I could see them using the video to teach someone else, they had small children they could teach, or whether it was because I had heard them use the word in the past.... all were chosen for a reason. I almost just kept it to myself and didn't want to use it, deal with it, talk about it..... Sometimes it's hard
I sent it to Bens teacher, to my old director who's wife is a teacher, It went to three states.
Is the idea of dropping the "R" word new? No. Lot's of movements out there, sign up and pledge, etc. but this teenager crying over the ideas others have of her brother was heartbreaking.

I see the world has changed since I was a teenager. I'm 44 now, and when I was in high school there were no inter-racial couples. I remember 1 gay classmate in a high school of thousands.
Today.... these things don't even seem to register to teens. It's so normal (at least in my area) There are several inter-racial couples, and I work with many teens, with a percentage being gay. None of this decides whether they are accepted. They don't seem to need to hide it anymore. And of course I think thank god. I can't imagine the gay classmates I had who were too ashamed of themselves to live a life, (these are my beliefs) that they were born to live. Life is so hard, and to have to fake huge chunks of your life.... exhausting.
Anyway, my hope is that people continue accepting differences. Where interacting and accepting someone that may have been considered a dork or "retarded" 25 years ago, there continues to be a push toward individuality, whatever that may be.
There will always be shitty people out there. That's a community, but at Ben's school I see kids from 6-12 who enjoy Ben, make an effort with Ben, and they'll never know how grateful to them I am.

mmmmmm..... dog......

We got our dog a dog. Stupid huh?
I think our dog was even saying he didn't want it. Either way, my husband (yeah you know the type... I want it, I want it, but I'll not walk it or clean up after it), decides Fletcher needs a pal. It is true that we are not the jogger, biker, get out there and exercise type, but then again, neither is Fletcher. Guy likes nothing better than to sit with his face pressed up against the AC vent. He looks like he has asthema, when in fact all he has is "fat-ass" I think it's contagious, because with the exception of Ben, everyone in our family has it.
Anyhoo... we go to the pound and ask for a medium size dog. Well... Jenks is not what I would consider medium. He's 10 months old and 50 lbs. Can I tell you he's as skinny as sh*t! Vet expects him to put on another 20lbs. 70lb dog does not = medium. When we got him home he was coughing. We thought Kennel Cough, which will right itself, but after 2 nights of hacking we take him to the vet. While we're there Brent and I are congradulating ourselves on this well behaved dog we got. (1/2 price by the way... the shelter was having a sale)375.00 dollars later, 2 antibiotics and a cough medicine.... wtf! Well.... we did not get ourselves a calm pet. The thing was sick. 36 hours into antibiotics and he went nuts!!!!
He's getting better. We've had him snap at Fletcher over a bone (I threw it in the trash), peed on our floor.... Drug his ass out every hour on the hour to teach him the right place to do it...What was I thinking?
Everday, I brace myself to walk in the door, knowing the two nuts waiting behind the door are going to come at me fast. mmmmmm you know you're home when you can smell dog!

Hurricanes.... phhttttt!

Live with a whirling dervish and you wonder what all the fuss is about? I have to say, I live in the Phila region, and the newscasters are constantly trying to get ratings with the weather. Last weekend ( I couldn't make this sh*t up) John Beloris, the ultimate ass is saying he's never seen anything like this on his radar, in all his years, blah blah blah. It consisted of a 2 hour thunderstorm. Nothing exciting, nothing momentous, just a thunderstorm.
Now this week... Irene. Which happens to be my mothers name, and yes... she can be quite..... welll, I'll leave that for another day.
Anyhoo... my husband and I are pretty much poo pooing it. You know this will be when we're swept away, or all of our 6 trees come tumbling down. We thought about going to the supermarket, but if we lose power, why would we want to have stocked up on food? boring! at least that's the hope.
Yesterday was my birthday. Don't you wish at least once a week you could go back to when you were 6 and just do it all over. That makes me sound unhappy, which I'm not. But... there are the few things I would change.
I turned 44. Where the hell did the time go. When I think about being a teenage (which I'd like to think I still act like) we're talking 26 years ago I was 18. DAMN!!!! Yesterday at work, I slipped on a step. I didn't fall, but I scraped my ankle on the step, and bruised my arm where I caught myself. To top that off, I kid you not, but I was a little stiff. FROM SLIPPING ON A STEP. If my birthday didn't make me feel old, that sure did!!!

School starts in one week. I think we're all ready to get back into the swing of things. I know I've voiced my dissatisfaction with Ben's day care. I guess when you're son is in a class of 5 with 4 aides and a teacher, there's little out there that compares. Here's to this being Ben's break out year. I think he's going to have one. maybe not this year, but I do know they'll come the time when he's verbal. He's physically able to say and do everything, and when he's engaged, or he wants something, the words and ideas flow free. He's impressive. I just know they'll come the day when he sees the reward for communication. To say the words, Ben! please be quiet! Oh, how I long for that! And I say that figuring one day, I'll say be careful for what you wish for!

Well, to all those on the East Coast.... Hold on tight.... We may be in for a wild ride..... And if so, can I stay at your house, because I didn't prepare in the slightest...lol

Just been lazy

It has been like forever!
I'm not good at this blogging thing. I can type like the devil, but, it really seems to take some initiative to open up the page and put down the thoughts.
I have my bloggers I look at daily, and I'll tell ya, I really respect the fact they can get out a funny, entertaining, etc thought daily. I just don't have it in me. It's a shame too, cause my Ben is one entertaining guy. Some of his "routines" are things only a mother could love...lol

Ben:
Ben is currently in his extended school year program. It lasts for 5 weeks and runs Mon-Thurs 9-2. His regular school teacher teaches it, and the aide that he was attached to at his after school program is working with him as well. It's a blessing to have people who are invested in Ben work with him. From there he goes to a day care. I'm not thrilled with the day care. I don't even blame them. I think they try, but..... I went to pick Ben up one day this summer, and he had pinched another child. He actually acts out a lot there. They're not sure if it's the amount of activity, noise, etc, or they just don't pick up on his cues, but..... he's a little jack the ripper there.
Well, when I asked the "teacher" what she had done/said to Ben after he had put his hands on another child, she said she told the child he didn't know better and to just leave him alone. huh.....The last thing you want is the other child to see him has a blathering idiot who is voilent. Nor do I want the other children to just ignore Ben and leave him even more alone. Yet, I looked into this young girls face and could see how she was proudly reltaing her solution, and thought she had solved everything. Exhausting.
Ben will never go there again. He needs to be in a special needs camp. Again, we're in a metro area, with several to choose from. We have a JCC here with an open arms camp. Children with special needs are given a one on one and do all the same activities as the main stream kids. These one on ones are teachers or college students, so they're very good at getting them active. There's a college close by with students in teaching courses who have the same premise. Picture Scarlett O'Hara beating the ground, and there I am. As god is my witness, he'll never sit in this day care again....wahhhh.
Aside from that, I've regained the pole position of his affection. I slice of time went by when the world revolved around Daddy. But now.... Here's Mommy! Petty, but I like it this way!!!!!\
HAAA!
Me -
I feel pretty good. I'm off the steroid (15 lbs later) Between the steriod and quitting smoking, my waistline took a BEATING this summer. I'm going to try and work on that, I'm taking a shot everyday, and my nuerologist hopes we never meet again. I do as well.

can't comment

I haven't been able to comment on my blog, or anyone else's as well. Don't know if it's me, or if it's the site, but I tend to blame others so..... Damn this internet world.
I completed my 3 days of soli-medorol infusion. It's 1000 mg of steriod iv'd into you. This was done at home. Can you even believe it? A nurse came out to the house, put a port in my arm (which was FANTASTIC!) not one ounce of discomfort the whole time. He then taught Brent how to hook up the bags of IV and to flush the line 2x a day. Brent went at it like a pro. I can't believe it. I don't know if I would have been able to do it. I get all shaky etc.
I had no side effects with the exception of a bad taste when drinking liquids. We were able to go about our buisness all weekend long, and I even slept. I had read comments by others who had had the treatment and there were several bad experiences. I was prepared for the worst, but thankfully, didn't have it.
This morning I began a regimine of 20mg of prednisone for 90 days. This is alot, and due to my having active lesions. Why 1000 mg didn't effect me, but this pill has me doing jumping jacks I don't know. It's not too bad though. My doc said some people can tolerate it, others can't. If I find myself having a tough time, he'll take me off of it. I plan on giving 120% though.
That's me.
Then there's the real star of my show... Benjamin.
Ben's last day of school was yesterday. No more kindergarten..... whhaaahhh! Now I feel old. (Which I am!)
He'll go to day care, which I'm sure I've said in the past in nothing more then a holding pen for kids. Don't think he really gets very much out of it at all. There tends to be a turnover, and the help is not as trained as I would like. BUT..
Ben doesn't mind going. He does get out of the car happily which means the world to us. They do let him totally slack there, but summer is called vacation time.... right????
Ben will start his extended school year July 5th and take him throught the first week of August. Then it's just a few more weeks of slacking till we're right back in Sept again. Crazy how fast the time goes.
I've been seeing improvements in Ben daily. He has the best personallity. All of his aids at school and daycare tell me Ben's a favorite. When there's subs, or new people they gravitate to him. When he goes to his after school program the typical kids notice everything about him. And it's pretty much all postive. (At least that's what the steriods are telling me.... lol)
Thanks to all who sent well wishes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
Any advise? Please feel free. I know we're all different... but... it helps!

so that's how it feels to be diagnosed...

I just was diagnosed with MS.
I swear I still can't believe it. I've decided the route for me to take is a factual business type road. I've read up on MS, treatments, prognosis's, etc.
None of these things make me freakin happy. Or devestate me either. Yes, you can have it both ways.
History: I felt numb on the left side of my body. From mid trunk down my leg. It was as if someone drew an invisable line around me. I work at a retirement community in HR. After conducting an interview for a C.N.A, I was talking to our Assistant Director of Nursing, and mentioned this oddity. I thought it may be a pinched nerve, or just that I was sitting wrong at my desk. Nothing to even begin worrying about. She on the other hand had STROKE going on in her mind. She didnt' voice that so not to scare me, but strongly suggested I call my Dr immediately. I did. The medical assistant who answered the phone declined to give me an appointment instead instructing me to go to the ER immediately. That's when he said it sounds like a stroke.
I went to the ER close to my home and was taken back immediately. Trust me, I was responsive, clear, functional, etc. The one thing that got me seen was as I was explaining the numbness, beneath my left eye became numb as well.
The ER doc decided to run the gamut of tests. CAT scans, MRI, X-Rays. After a bit of time, I did let them know I had to leave by 5:15 to pick up Ben from daycare. I left with a perscription for Percocet (I have no pain, but... what the hell!) and the suggestion to see an orthopedist for a suspected pinched nerve.
I was home with Ben for about a 1/2 hour when the ER doc called me to tell me the nueroligist had looked at my MRI and suspected MS. My reaction - Get the fuck out here. This does not happen to me or anyone I know. False alarm. Not worried. He wanted me to see a nueroligist right away. He's actually friends with my primary and had called him at home. He also got my docs' cell phone # for me to call first thing the next day.
Well..... I got to tell you, he was right. Is that what happened? no. but he was right.
My primary and I decided what's the big hurry? If I've had this, what's a few days going to matter. It does. but... live and learn.
I went to see my nueroligst. He's an old guy. Thinks he's funny too. He reviewed my MRI, tested my reflex's and decided I have MS. This news was delivered in a way I didnt' get. I thought he had given my a clean bill of health. When I asked him why he wanted me to get additional MRI's he said because you have MS. With a smile. My answer was "wait, what?"
Anyhoo.... I went lastweek, two different days, to get cervical and thorasic MRI's. as well as an updated Brain MRI with contrast. I had made an appt with my nuero for Wed, forgetting that I conduct trainings from 8:30-3:30. I called to reschedule. They gave me an appt for June 30th. That was cool with me. I had that appt for approx 20 minutes before the Dr's office was calling saying... a no... we need you in here. Sound silly? I then asked for a phone conference. Let's just get this over with. a no... you need to come in. Now I don't know about you, but at this point, I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be good.
Well I researched what I could, informed myself of the basics and felt pretty prepared. There are several types of MS. Some worse then others. I guess I'll eventually progress to those types, but for right now I have your basic MS.
My Doc told me I had developed new lesions in my brain since my original MRI three weeks ago. His exact words are "You're bad!" I said, "Oh, because I tried to postpone my appt?". His answer, and remember.... ALWAYS with a smile. "No. Did you read the results of your MRI? You're bad". Now again. I try to limit my profanity, but.... what the fuck! Is that your idea of bedside manner. Yet.... it works for me. I asked him something in a fog, and his answer was, "We'll fix it" well alrighty then.
The fix is tough. Starting tomorow, I'll have a one hour infusion for three days of high levels of steriods. A nurse will come out to the house, set me up, and then Sunday and Monday, they're expecting me to do it on my own. Great......
After that, I'll be on oral steriods for three months. Also, I've been perscribed an injectible med for the rest of my life. The cost is over 45,000 per year so my husband damn well better keep his job with his great benefits! otherwise... screwed.
I went on the web to research the med. There weren't any negative comments with the exception of the price. The usual side effects are site irritation. When you inject it hurts/stings for 5-15 minutes, and after a while it will leave indentations in your injection site. I'm 44, and have officially given up my bikini bod. That part I'll live with.
So.... MS, daily injectibles, unsure future.....
What else you got for me?

Beautiful!

I am a cheap mom! I'm no longer ashamed of this, and have come full circle from throwing the money around (which we never had), to not going anywhere unless we have a coupon.
So...
With Ben being autistic, there are tons of opportunities to do things. Carnivals, the zoo, the movies One is going to the Discovery Museum 4x a year on selected Sunday nights for an open arms evening. They are great. You never have to worry about explaining your child, and if he steals the ball from another kid, the parents know you're on it.
Ben enjoyed a new activity this go around. Rock climbing. He had tried it with no success the last time we were there, but this time... a regular mountain goat. His limited ability at communication be damned, he let us know he was proud. He stood up on these faux rocks stating... beautiful. great, good job. All of which I was to repeat with fervor! And I was happy to do it! He really is a funny kid.
We bought him new sneakers a couple of weeks ago. I tell him how fast he runs and how high he jumps with his new shoes. He's constantly looking at them when he runs and impressing himself. Too Damn Cute!!!!
Tomorow is field day at Bens school. I will be there from 9-3 assisting Ben through obstacle courses, and god only knows what. I hope I don't get too competative... lol Of course the whole time I expect Ben to be obbsessing on we'll get McDonalds after. Anytime we do ANYTHING, he thinks McDonalds will follow. Does that make me a bad mom? I just can't so no to that squishy face of his.... I cook most of the week... wahhhh. oh well.

how do I explain this?

I had a co-worker ask me about Ben Monday. She wanted to know details. Can he talk, is he loving, what's his school like?
She was asking expecting me to explain Ben, and then she could understand autism. She doesn't know anyone with it or who has an autistic child. I told her about Ben, and then explained, she still doesn't know autism. It's so funny to think, if a child has diabetes and is in the middle of an episode, give them orange juice. A child with autism having an episode??? who knows? all children with autism are so different. There really is no blanket answers. In Ben's class, there is 5 very individual children. In the gym class, 4 completely different kids. I'm not just talking personalities, but abilities, behaviors, everything.
We go to the Dr and look for some answers, but seriously? What's there to say? What works for Ben could be completely traumatizing to another child with autism. Unless the Dr lives with us, instead of seeing him twice a year for 1/2 and hour, what do they have to offer? We go to Phildelphia's Children's hospital. I don't know why. I keep asking my husband. We had to wait over a year for the appt. and they really haven't offered us much. Ben doesn't need meds (Thank God!) He sleeps for us, he's not aggressive, just a happy little guy.
What are we hoping for? I really don't know.
What do we expect? I have no idea
How do you explain your child, and autism to someone else, when you really don't quite get it yourself?

What's wrong with you!?

Ben has a thing..... We all do, but Ben's can be annoying. Lately he's enjoying flushing things down the toilet. This isn't exactly a new thing. He had a spin at it about a year ago. We replaced the toilet, bought a lock (much to my mother and grandmothers chargin) and eventually "it" went away.
Ben became much better at using the potty on his own (provided the light was on) and we didn't want to impede this. The lock went away.
Well, each day when Ben comes home from school, his first words are... "I'd like to take a shower please." Strips himself down to his socks, and heads on in.
This week, we've lost two bars of soap to flushing. I talk very seriously to him... No Flushing!
Well.... he got me. I heard a "disturbance" in the bathroom, and caught him flashing thru the bathroom to throw in my hair conditioner and a wash rag. Damn! I run like the wind and dive with both hands into the toilet. Sweet! Now I need a shower.... At that point, I could see something had made it's way down. Ben runs to the bedroom and starts asking to watch his Barney movie. I stand in the doorway with my hands on my hips and yell "What is wrong with you?". Takes me about 6.5 seconds to recall exactly what that is, and I snort at myself. The thing is... and I must know... Does he realize he's misbehaving, and if so, does he realize that there are consequenses? Does autism give you a free ride? What are appropriate punishments? What are the expectations I should have? Is the sheer delight of watching miscellanious items circle the bowl supercede the constant reminders of "don't flush your friends"? I must know, because if given the go ahead, I will ........oh I'll think of something.....
My husband and I are not on speaking terms. He gets home, and I let him know about the "incident". Dumb ass goes in and flushes. HA! I hear him heading downstairs for the wet vac. Comes up stairs, get the toilet water up. Yells out "Where's my tools" You mean the ones you've left in the den for the last 5 months? I drug them downstairs over the weekend in preperation for company. You know you're f*n family. Goes back downstairs with a "think your funny..." To be honest, at that point, I was enjoying myself. Then he takes the toilet off (2x in the last month) and tries getting the object out. After 1/2 hour he gives up and buys a new toilet. Frankly, for 85 bucks, I would have rather seen him try a little harder. Quitter.
Now... I do get that some may think, perhaps, that I should be watching him in the shower to prevent these incidents. Well.... that may be. Thing is, this is the time I've been using to get dinner ready. and I do check frequently. When I'm checking, he's sitting in the shower, soaping himslef up, or playing with his pirate ship... he's a sneaky little turd.
Yesterday during his shower, I put the trash can and plunger on top of the toilet seat figuring if he tries to get in, I'd have a heads up. I went to check on him and he's a stealth sucker. He was flushing as I opened the door. Don't know what or if it was, but as of today.. we can still flush.

Giving Thanks

A lot of the blogs I read are written by religious women. I'm not, and it wasn't planned, it just happened. One of the blogs has weekly been giving thanks for things in her life. I decided, let me do the same. Think of 10 things that are good with my life, when so often I only see the dark side. 1. Ben's belly laughs - they're contagious 2. My mother - always on my side, and has learned when it's better to say nothing. 3. My own sense of humor - for some reason, I make myself laugh 4. Quit smoking - it's been three weeks, and I'm feeling pretty good about it 5. Fletcher - Our Golden Retriever. The village idiot, but still good for a laugh. 6. My job - How nice is it, to go to a job and not mind, even get some enjoyment out of it. 7. Spring - My commute to work is picturesque. Spring is utterly gorgous in my neck of the woods. 8. Ben's improvements - Ben is getting better at letting me know what it is he wants. He's even getting a sense of humor himself, and it's been great to be able to share it with him. 9. Food and Shelter - some take it for granted, others may say I've earned it. I don't want to take it for granted though. 10. Living in a country where I can feel safe. You look at the news, listen to the radio, and wonder how people live from one day to the next. We don't know how fortunate we are.

IEP's a sure sign of spring

If you read any other autism blogs, it seems obvious that spring begets flowers, showers, and IEP's. Today was Bens. These teachers are crafty!!! They start off raving about how cute and sweet your child is, and BAM... you're sucked in. Just kidding. They all did say it, but of course I know it's true, so I could not blame them. Ben is doing well. He's opening up more and more each day. They see it at school, and we see it at home. Ben is a very with it kid. You hear of many autistic children who appear to be in their own world. Ben if very much in the here and now. Even when it appears he's paying you no mind, don't kid yourself. Whisper Chucky Cheese, and you'll know! The goals for next year are pretty high. They're looking for him to be able to have age appropriate converstaion.....hmmm..... well, I guess that's our goal, so let's have at it. He'll be writing his first and last name (capital's). I will supply dunkin donuts for a year if this goal is reached. I'll be so proud, I'll pop. Asking the "w" questions. I know they're the hardest, so I asked which one they were starting with. What. Can I get a vowel? I then asked "Can you give me an example of a what question" duh... All in all it was a positive meeting. On another note..... We get to the school, and we're sitting on a bench outside of the principal's office. Down the hall comes a woman (aide) with a child who is on the spectrum. (Gaydar has nothing on us parents) The child looks happy (around 7) next thing, he tries to jerk away (much like Ben will do when he gets something in his mind) from "this woman" She jerks his arm, and starts saying in a nasty voice "you're not getting water. What? you want a reward for trying to get away!?" "you'll need to earn your reward" And at that point he's crying. Are you %&*#$ kidding me? After our meeting, I ask to speak to the psycologist in the hall. I told her what had happened, and if this had been my child, she probably wouldn't realize how unhappy I would have been. That Ben would have jerked if he had wanted something... hello!!! Autism.... not great at communicating their needs.... It was a situation that sits on a border. Was there abuse.... I can't pin it.... She jerked his arm, but not enough to hurt him physically. She spoke in what I would consider a intimidating voice, but didn't threaten him.....but there also wasn't that environment of caring, making a child feel loved....I hate people. I work in a retirement community, and an assited living facility very close by just had a horrible case of abuse yesterday. People need to stand up and say something when something looks wrong. There are 4 people who are going to be arrested for abusing a 78 yr old woman with alzheimers. Did no one see what was going on? People! Speak up! That could be your child or grandmother.

Sooo Polite

So what's new, what's been happening? Absolutely nothing.
In my younger years, I was quite the thrill seaker. I could not stay in the house for fear I was missing something.
These days... I get home from work, shut the door, and that's it. I live in a 60's era environment. My husband walks thru the door at 7:10, and I am putting the dinner on the table. Timed.... My kids tell me there's something wrong with me (you know I agree!), butI tell them, they need to look for a wife who will do the same (Good luck suckers!)
Our excitement has been rollerskating, swimming, and walks in the woods. Sound like I'm filling out a personals ad. The beauty is, we found the rink in our neighboorhood, it only costs $7.00, and Brent and I can walk Ben around the rink without having to put on skates. He seems to enjoy it, and is doing as well as any of the "typical" kids we see. He'll have his moments of adventourous and drop our hands. We're so proud, and the smile on his face says he is too. Swimming... same as ever. He's a flipping, twirling dervish, and Brent and I are like to toads. We sit there with nothing but our heads sticking out of the water. It could not be described as any form of exercise whatsoever for us, but boy, does Ben sleep those nights.
Walks in the woods are my idea. The hard part is getting on your shoes and out the door. Once we do, we completely enjoy it. We bring the dog, who has this strange ass habit of not going to the bathroom anywhere but our yard. Thanks for that! Ben throws rocks in the water, climbs a tree, and still rides in his coach. He would never walk that far (I think), and has no issue with climbing in and being pushed. The fact that he'll be six soon.... details...
Additionally, he's learned to be quite polite when asking for something. The old "WANT MILK!" has been replaced with "I'd like milk please." how nice. The old "TUBBY!" has now been replaced with "I'd like to take a bath in the tub please". Now some may think that this is additional learned language, etc. I know he's just figured out how to wrap us even tighter around that little finger of his. He's so freaking adorable, the words no would seem profane! Remember he's often asking for milk at 4am, while he sleeps smack dab between Brent and I, for the last 9 months......romance? I swear I don't remember what the word is. I've decided tht Brent and I could be brother and sister, and nothing much would change... but that's a rant I'll go on another day.
Now with it being Friday, and I have no forseeable plans, I guess we'll be skating, swimming, and doing Ben's bidding for another wonderful weekend. I hope at least!

what if they're wrong

you know that famous saying "God only gives you what you can handle"....
What if they're wrong? Do you ever have days where you're sure you just can't handle it? Those days seem like they're closing in. I find myself listening to co-workers talk about their lazy weekends and their self-centered times, and I know.... I'm not going to get a turn, I'll never have that light at the end of the tunnel,where I get to worry about me. and all I keep thinking is "holy sht

what if they're wrong?

I'm a thief

http://welcometomyplanet4.blogspot.com/2011/01/swallowed.html

I'm a theif. I don't have the words, just the emotion. I read posts, and literally sit in my office (private, thank god) with tears coming down my eyes. Sometimes it's too much. I have to go in the bathroom (again private) and splash water on my face. Take a minute to breath. Let it go.
If I were an animal, I'd be an ostrich. I'm constantly putting my face in the sand. If I can't see it, it won't hurt me.
In our home, we're normal. Ben's this remarkably happy guy, who is smart, engaged, and loving. We totally "get him"
Step outside, and we know he's smart and engaged....others..not so much.
We too get the diverted gazes. the waitress who just keeps talking over his babbeling. Now that Ben's 5+, we don't get the isn't he adorable so much anymore. He too is fading in the outside world. He too is the one who is carefully overlooked. I've honestly seen parents remove their children from the pool, or play area because you can see the visable panick that their young child will vocalize a question or comment on Ben and his "unusual" behavior. I don't hold it against them . I understand. That was me.
Thanks to those who can articulate the right thiing to do though. I'll never look away, or walk away again.

He wears it on his sleave.

I'm talking about my husband Brent. If I were talking about Ben, it would pretty much be ketchup he wears on his sleave, but Brent... It's autism.
Brent is a warrior in his own way. He's a big guy, who wears an autism ribbon we got from the Phila. Zoo on autism day. He wears it in work, and anywear we go out. I think he thinks it has magic power. So far, we've never had to deal with a single public problem with anyone. That, or it's like a lions growl warning anyone who thinks about making a comment about Ben being loud, or moving, or just being his little autistic self. Fair warning.
I was reading Welcome to my Planet, and saw she contributes to a different site. Autism Sucks. Well... that's true, so I checked it out. While there, one of there sponsers had the Autism t-shirts etc.
http://www.fibers.com/shop/autism

I bought one for Brent (2XL), it came Saturday. As much of an old man he is some days, let a package come in the mail and he's like a 3 year old.

I being the permissive parent that I am (yes... I might as well be Brents mother as well as his wife) I let him open it up. Thrilled, probably doesn't cover it. A tee shirt that costs 30 bucks is not like me at all. I'm that lady that doesn't go out to eat without being able to say to the waiter/waitress "I have a coupon", doesn't typically splurge, but it was well worth it. There he is like a child again, asking permission to wear it to work. Dude!!! If you wear it, and it doesn't sit in your drawer, then it was worth every penny. Do what you want!!!

Now that's him. Me, I'm a little different. I'm only just starting to come around to being open about Ben. I'll now say it when I'm having random conversations about day care or christmas. Being able to say, Ben doesn't say much, but he let's us know what he likes/wants. I'll get that confused look, and then I'll say he's autistic... didn't you know? When of course I know they wouldn't have. Baby steps. I know I've said it before, it's not embarresment, it's not shame, it just the chance of pity, or god forbid the stupid remark. It's even the fear of someone asking me "What is that" I would have a tough time explaining all that it is.

Happy Birthday Big guy, and if you're good, maybe I'll get you a travel mug next!

I have to tip my hat

I have about 20 blogs I read daily. Each day I start the computer, it's email first, and then straight to my favorites tab to read what's going on in "their/your" world. Most blogs I read have pretty daily updates. Now and again, and a day is skipped, but that's ok, I just move on. I used to read a different kind of blog. They were very heart wrenching and moving. So much so that they began to effect me.
Then, I came across a couple of autism blogs and enjoyed/related/could have written them myslef. I'm hooked. Some are heart wrenching, many move me, but I swear the power of humor is a deep well in this community!!! I laugh my ass off, when I'm sure much of this could make a weaker man cry. How does cleaning up a strategically placed shit = humor? I don't know, but thank god for it.
So, why is it it's so hard for me to write? God knows I can talk. I like to even think of myself as entertaining..... whatever! But... to sit and put it down? Tough. So I tip my hat to those who can. This blogging thing is great. It's hard to feel like your out there alone when so many artfully write exactly what your thinking.
So Thank you!