sometimes tired

You know that little section in my profile that says "always trying, sometimes tired"... Well, it's upon me.
I don't know if it's the whole lack of sunlight, but I'm tired. Tired of the whole dog and pony act. I want to be selfish. I want to scream "what the %&*# about me!!!". And you know what? I could scream it. And no one would hear.
I've decided that being selfish must be very natural. People really do worry about themselves first. I pretty consistintly put my own needs and wants on hold. I do what I should do, what I need to do, what's expected of a wife, mother, employee, daughter, neighbor, friend. But sometimes, I just feel freekin resentful. I know your not supposed to do things with the expectation of recognition.... thank god! because it's just not there. I'm like that perfect employee at home. the seemless one, who comes and goes, and you'd never even realize she was standing in front of you. Why? Because your entitled ass was too busy with TV or the computer, or shouting "more milk"
I also realize these statements make me sound like the perfect martyr. Poor me... woe is me.... and guess what? I think being a martyr is perfectly natural too! As much as I feel put out and put upon... those around me feel the same way. What the %&$#!!!!!!
Well, as this holiday season abounds..... I'll try listening to carols, reading the wonderful cards and thoughts, and when all else fails.. hit the Egg Nog..... HARD!