It's the holiday season...

Happy Holiday's!

I'm just starting to allow myself to decompress. What a busy time its been.

Of course the fact I do it to myself doesn't help, but... I have to be me.

Let's see.

The Saturday before Christmas I baked my Christmas cookies. For all the baking and cooking I do, you'd probably think I enjoy time in the kitchen. WRONG! I hate it. I do it because it's a tradition, they're enjoyed by friends and family, and I have for Ben alone 15 people who care for him on a daily basis. I tin up cookies for all and give a WaWa gift certificate. So.. back to the cookies. I baked about 500. Durint this time, I also shopped for my husbands family gifts, and attempted to clean the house for the Hanukah party I was hosting on Sunday. I decided if Christmas had cookies, Hanukah should have a jewish apple cake, and so I baked one of them too. (crack head). I made my infamous (I should be humble, but it's just that good) matza ball soup. The time was definately interesting. It was the first time in over a year that his mother had been in my house. (see post 10/09/09). I can't stand to look at her. Did this holiday season improve that thought. No. She bought Ben two cheap ass gifts. Now that I don't have issue with. I can see her thinking, "Oh, they invite me to a party where gifts are given, screw them." Valid. no problem. The thing is... I hear her talking to her other two grandchildren, telling them "You know you got your gifts already, so I didn't bring you anything" Huh.... Hanukah had been in the begining of December, so I guess she made sure to get them something, but Ben could kiss her ass. HATE HER!!!!!! Have no use for her!!!! Hopes she finds herself miles away in a foreign country missing a passport.... falalala...lalalala. Back to the season.

Tuesday was Ben's school party. It was the one thing that I truly was stressed over. Isn't that sick? I had myself in knots over treats and activities for 5 children who may or may not be interested. who may or may not understand the fuss. and yet....

I baked cupcakes on monday (that's right... rub in the 3rd day of baking) and did the decorate your own cupcake thing again. Had fruit, juice, etc. The party was scheduled for two hours. (That's a long friggin time!) I arrive at the school loaded down! I'm carrying cupcakes, juice, water, cookies, activities, decorations. I could barely hold it. I pull into the parking lot at 1:02 - I hate being even that late, jump out of the car... and then it happens. Fire Drill. Are you kidding me? Anywho, that was the only fly in the ointment. I finally get to the class (which feels like 6 city blocks away). The kids see me, and to the adults amusement, immediately sit down for snack. Isn't that cute! I must look like the cupcake lady.

My shopping was completed on Tuesday morning and Thursday morning. Wrapping done friday, and Christmas morning was wonderful.

Ben recieved a set of drums. He walked out of our bedroom (yeah, he's back sleeping there again) and stopped dead in his tracks. He opened gifts, and was happy. Along with the drums he got a keyboard. The day was spent playing with toys, and telling us he's "making music"

Hope your days were full of fun, and family.

Am I "over-autisming"?

Yeah, I know it's not a word.
We're getting busy. Much of what we're doing revolves around Bens autism. No, I'm not talking therapy's (Though god knows I should be).
We've just joined a sports group at little sport. They have an autism group that has a coach and a special ed teacher. We missed the first week, but they let us join for the remaining 5 sessions. there are only three other boys in the group, but that would probably be a great start. Ben's an active guy, so it seems like a winner..
We just bought our tickets to Sahara Sams' water park special needs night. Next Friday we'll swim, slide, and just be festive with I hope many other families. That and not lose our suits on the water cannon. (Ok Brent could lose his suit, and give me years of laughs, stories, and chuckles... but not me!)
Saturday night is open arms at the YMCA. Ben loves that pool (though brent and I are spoiled with the JCC keeping their pool at 88 degrees) This 78 degree pool is killing us!!! We don't need to go anymore. We now have a membership to swim whenever we want, but so few families take advantage, we feel like we have to support them, and they were our golden ticket for a year. misplaced loyalty maybe.. but I keep strong arming Brent to go.
Sunday, we're going to a special needs Christmas party. 40-50 people, most with children on the spectrum. Ben hates Santa, but we're supposed to bring a small toy with his name on it for Santa to give back. I have a feeling this will be a bad investment. It's being put on by a neighboring community center. They'll provide the pizza, soda, DJ and Santa, and we just show up with a small side dish or desert. Sounds like my kind of party!
All of these activities sound fun, but I think we're making our lives revolve around autism. Quick note, I do realize autism makes itself quite known in our world.. but...am I living in the "real world" anymore?

still plenty of laughs..

I forgot to mention, when we went to the mall yesterday, a local dance troupe was doing the nutcracker... I rushed over and put Ben up on my shoulders to watch. The whole mall was pretty quiet, with the exception of one. As soon as Ben saw what was going on, he started squealing, flapping, and basically completely enjoying himself. Now, to be honest, I felt a little uncomfortable with the amount of attention he was getting. Ben's dad did not give a hoot, and stated "What? He's enjoying himself". So I stayed for the five minute performance in the middle of the mall. When it was over, Ben clapped forever!
Today, in an efffort to engage him, as well as keep him from falling asleep, I talked, and joked, etc. We were wrestling on the floor, when I guess he hit his back on the couch. Just enough to agravate him. As I rolled over to console him, I hit him in the privates... Talk about looking insulted!!!
Currently, he's walking around with his fingers in his ears, humming. I'm sure he's thinking... "Can't this lady take a hint?"

"That's the autistic kid"

So...
Yesterday Ben, his dad and I hit the mall. No.. we weren't shopping, ya see it's mortgage week, and that always puts a crimp in our free spending. Now, with Ben, we luck out. We can go into toy stores, and toy departments in Boscov's and he's happy to play with toys while they stay in their packaging. He's great about leaving, with the promise of "we'll come back another time". NEVER had a tantrum of I want this.. blah blah blah. That would be the one "upside" to autism I can think of.
So... There we were in Boscov's minding our own buisness, when a little boy tells his sister.. "That's the autistic kid at school". Well, I didn't hear it, but Brent was standing next to them. He asked the child if he went to Bens school, he did, and Brent said "yeah that's him." Brent raced down the isle, and told me what had happened then asked me if it bothered me. Truthfully it didn't (at the moment). I'm all about intent. Did I think he was trying to be bratty? No. I think he was just spitting out what he had been told.
Now.. after some time and space, Brent asked me again later that night if it bothered me. I was able to then say, no, but a better reply for us would have been to introduce Ben, and let the boy know if he sees him in the hall he could say "Hi Ben". Turning "the autistic kid" into Ben.
Also, we have our confrence with the teacher tomorow. I will be interested to know what information is given to k-5 regarding the special ed kids. How are they explained? This child was k or 1st grade.... How does he know what he knows?
We can't pretend to be suprised anymore that even very young children see the difference in Ben. I'm talking babies kind of study him. His differences are too obvious and obvious quickly. Everywhere we go children watch Ben. I don't think they're judging him, (they're still too young) but they're trying to figure him out.
At the playground, a 2-3 year old was following him around, trying to play with him, trying to have a conversation. Well, we loved it. We wish there were more kids that were persistant. Who followed him around and found what he was doing to be fun, and worth spending the time.
Ben is so happy pretty much 24/7.
Sometimes......I just get so damn sad and overwhelmed.

Everyday Life

Ben just had the 24 hour virus. Interesting how different all kids are.
The school had called that day, wanting me to know Ben had green boogies (tmi?) and seemed tired. Get used to it. I let them know Ben would have green snot from now until spring, and then some. I can't pick him up everytime his nose runs...
When I picked him up from day-care they said he had had a good day, we got home and he was running/jumping/flapping... good times, good times. Now he didn't eat his french fries, but... so what?
That night at 3:45.... bleah! No whining before hand, no crying during, nothing after. Puked and looked at me. There we are, stripping the bed, doing laundry, making the bed, etc. This went on twice more. The kid never complained. I don't get it. I still tear up when I puke (which has been yrs... knock wood)
I conduct trainings twice a month, and the next morning was one of them, so dad stayed home. You know that kids sick when he doesn't open his mouth or move out of the bed. I came home and the whole death warmed over look was going strong.
I got to stay home with him yesterday. After a nice bath, etc he seemed back to par. Except for the whole eating thing. He's lasted on about 90 calories for the last two days.
We did manage to grab a nap yesterday. A sweet 2 1/2 hour nap... Can I tell you at 11pm last night he's jumping on the bed handing me the DAMN Barney video I just had to go and find.... I think my husband was hoping I'd be impaled on the daggers he was shooting at me... but... good times, good times.