How do you know if you're right?

So in a previous post I discussed that most of what I do, I do because I think I'm right. That still goes.
I've been wondering lately if I really am or not.
Ben is a very happy guy. I know that we are blessed in so many areas with him. Every night that I read him his books, and he snuggles right down to sleep peacefully thru the night.. Each night, I know we're lucky. I've heard other mothers in Bens school say how their children just don't sleep.
Each night Ben eats a healthy, and somewhat variable dinner, I know we're lucky. Other children are still on puree in his class.
My Ben laughs and takes complete joy in his world more often then not. We're lucky.
Now.... I attribute Ben's happiness and ability to be flexible with his father and I. Sorta along the way of God gave us the child we were intended to have, and gave Ben the parents he needed. (arrogant huh?) Lately I've been wondering if I've been putting too much enfesses on his happiness, and not enough into his improvement. Ben comes home from school/daycare and jumps into my bed to watch a couple "Diego" episodes. This is great for me, giving me time to get changed/dinner started/ dog out/ a cup of coffee. My rationale is he has LONG days. He's picked up on the bus at 8:30A.... goes to school until 2:30, gets bussed to daycare, and then I pick him up at 5:45. That's a long day for a little kid.
All the while in the back of my head I'm hearing "turn off the tv, let him help with dinner, talk to him, talk to him, talk to him.
Ben can have a fit when he doesn't get his way. (takes after me). I usually will just ride it out, talk to him quietly, divert his attention. This works (sometimes it takes a while but eh...). At dinner on Monday Night Ben ran out my sister-in-laws back door trying to get to the pool. My husband had had it, and yelled. It pretty much stopped him, and he forgot about going outside and sat down. he didn't get upset, but he knew the end was there.
I worry I don't challenge him, talk to him, discipline, teach him......enough......

you?

the word sorry

Yesterday I went to synagouge. My husband likes to attend at least once a year. For him it's Yom Kippor, for me church is Xmas and hopefully Easter.
The purpose of yesterdays lesson was repenting. Saying your sorry for even you every-day shortfalls. If your ignorant, rude, unfaithful, uncaring... knowing to say sorry.....
Also, being able to accept an apology. truly accept it.
Well. This is a good lesson, and quite honestly the world would be a better place if more people could say. look, I was wrong and I feel bad about it. and then the apology was accepted and all moved on. Godly I say,.
Well I suck at all the steps listed above. I hate to say I'm sorry. (If I step on your foot, or drop the door before your thru, no big deal) but the biggy sorries... HATE IT!!!
I'm not a huge communicator as is. I'd rather dole out the silent treatment until I'm over what ever is bothering me. When I get mad I'm a TOTAL BITCH, and will say whatever I damn well please, no matter how nasty it is.
If I'm the one who's wrong, I'm much more apt to SHOW I'm sorry. If I know I was a total bitch for no real reason, I do little things for Brent. Bring him a snack, offer some token that shows I know I was wrong.

Now... when someone says sorry to me. (and it's a biggy sorry). I can't say I forgive people so easy. Forgive and never forget. We all know it's true. I can't help it. I'm a grudge holder. fool me once, shame on you,,,,yadda yadda yadda

you?

I hate being broke

This was one boring ass weekend!
We're a little tight with cash right now so there was no fun or frivolity this weekend.
Friday Night I cooked frozen Elios' pizza. To add insult to injury, I dropped each sheet of pizza thru the grates and lost the cheese on 95% of it. That left us eating sauce and crust... Brent was chivilourous and said he'd take the bad piece.... I had to ask which one.
Saturday, Brent took my 2009 car for its free oil change. How ya think that worked out. While he was there he mentioned I needed a right turn signal. Too easy. Turns out a squirrel (or something) had chewed the wires in my car and I have NO lights on the right hand side. No brake lights, headlights, etc. This will cost a whopping 240.00 to fix. Not to mention we haven't had a lot of luck elsewhere, because some shops don't have 2009 parts yet,,
Sunday I baked for the holiday tonight (Yom Kippor) I baked an apple cake (which is too pretty to eat) and 8 dozen cookies (don't ask me why) I baked extra cookies so Ben could enjoy some. He picked one up, smelled it, and thru it on the ground. little critic!
Anyone who has little boys may find this story funny, and have full sympathy for my sister-in-law. That was my reaction. I laughed, but feel her pain as if it were my own.
My 11 year old nephew decided for GOD ONLY KNOWS what reason to get black and orange spray paint this weekend and decorate her house and outside fence. She lives in a nice neighborhood, but it's by no means rural. She and her husband had him outside scrubbing for 2 hours and went to buy mineral oil something. She and the father asked him "WHY!" and he truly had no answer. Poor kids. So many things seem like a good idea at the time, and suddenly reality stops by for a visit.
Can't wait to see the art work tonight (dinners at her house!) LOL

platapus

This blog has nothing to do with a platapus. I'm just sick of titling my blogs to the section of the week. BORING
Nothing exciting, and yet the days are full. Ben has a KILLER bruise on his legs. Ben has sensory issues and is forever jumping, tumbling, hanging, you get the idea. We bought new furniture in January. We started out buying relatively expensive furniture, nicely designed, etc. After 15 hours, 8 furniture stores, and a numb ass from sitting on various pieces, we (smartly) decided to go cheap.
While the grown up in us said "get a beautiful matching set", the benjamin in us decided.... We don't want to have to worry about his butter fingers on the couch, we don't want to worry about his freshly shitted ass being changed, etc. again SMART move on our part. The couch we bought is almost all heavily cushioned. the seats, backs and arms. All but the one little piece holding it all together. Ben jumps from the couch to the recliner and BAM. When he cries, we know it had to hurt. This is a child who doesn't acknowledge a lot of pain. He fell off the back of the couch a few weeks back, whacked his head on the molding (one of those insta-lump situations) cried for 15 seconds until he heard the theme song from the wonder pets. Suddenly crying lost its appeal.
When we bought our couches we were saying we'd be satisfied if we replaced them in 5 years. Ben has arched and peed on them, the dog Fletcher has gotten excited and peed on them.... your following the idea. Suddenly 5 years seems optomistic. I don't know about you, but my mother and grandmothers furniture lasted 20+. Are things just made cheap or does our generation have no respect for furniture? I'm seriously curious.....
Well.... Have a great weekend, and may something fun, sweet, or profitable happen... and for me too!

mid-week

I have a dentist appointment tonight. Nothing like working all day, rushing home, and having that to look forward to. It's an old joke, but why do dentist talk so much? You can't answer them, and you don't want them concentrating on anything but their task at hand. Shut up already!

I'm in a slump. In a slump at work, in a slump at home..... Each day I get up, sure that there are big bags under my eyes from not getting enough sleep (there are no bags), I take the dog out. It's not for a walk, it's for a drag thru the neighborhood. He gets up at 5:50AM and then wants to sniff every leaf. I'm so effected by guilt, that I feel like we got this dog, so I have to spend the time and energy on him. He's going to be penned up all day, so he needs a walk in the AM and some exercise/play in the PM. My husband is the big dummy that wanted the dog, but is he bothered by any of these feelings of guilt? NO.
I drive 1- 1 1/2 hours to work depending on the traffic, work all day, and then beat the traffic home. I feel guilty when Ben is one of the last kids at pre-school, run home.... Ben wants his show on, shoes off, the dog has to pee BAD, I have to pee BAD, and everyone thinks their first. Ben usually wins that battle.
Make the dinner. Bathe, read to,and put Ben to bed. The husband......arghhhhh.
The husband feels I should do all this while I dance on lillies and aim to please him.... ass

The other day, after getting home from walking the dog, and had showered my husband asked me if I had bought his clean clothes up from the basement. I hadn's so I went and got them.
That night while eating dinner, he hands me his plate to re-fill. I ask him why he couldn't get his own clothes or re-fill his own plate. His response:"Are you getting your period again, because we just went thru this..." Cue music........Scream!

Another week begins

Well the weekend came and went as quickly as ever.
We had a holiday dinner on Saturday night. As I've said before my husband is Jewish, so it was the Jewish New Year.
I spent Saturday power cleaning (which I HATE) and cooking (again the H word)
As I've said before, I have no lost love for my mother-in-law, and knew she'd be making herself center stage. My thought was, if I spent my time, energy, and money cleaning, cooking, serving, shopping..... why should she have the power to make this miserabel.
Now two options came to mind:
Hit the wine early
F*ck with her
I decided on my second option. hehehehe. I was as friendly and sweet as could be. Saw the wheels turning in her mind, and almost the ..huh, guess that's done. Next time she stops by, I'll ice her out again. She'll never know what starts me or stops me. sick?... maybe, but..... I enjoyed myself!

My Benjamin.... ahhh the lovely child he is. He was feeling his oats this weekend. He was playing on one of those large balls with handles you use to bounce on.. repeatedly we told him to take it on the grass and not the concrete... he continued to go back to the concrete, until guess what happened. whack. He was annoyed by this whack on the head, so like something out of the three stooges, when I bent down to see how he was he held my face with one hand, and slapped me with the other. Must of made him feel better, because off he went to enjoy his day.

Dementia

I have dementia. I've tried to get on to post for three days. I'd swear I put in the right username and password. So sure I thought google had been hacked and I had missed it on the news.
That little piece of insight should tell you a lot about me. I can't be messing up... this multi million user program is to blame..... ahhhhhh how sweet it is.
My husband always likes to say I think I'm always right. Don't most people. When you're talking do you typically ramble about things you know nothing about? No.... so doesn't it make sense if I'm talking and giving an opinion I think I'm right?

Anywhoo.... My husband is Jewish. This Saturday I'm going to be having about a dozen people for dinner. How prepared am I.. That's right kids.. not at all!!!! I spent the past weekend just getting rid of the shit laying around the house, so when I actually clean I can hit the surfaces instead of all the crap laying on top. Now that's planning.

I'll be cooking Matzah Ball Soup and other random items. If there's one thing I can do, (Though I HATE it!) it's cook. Truly a curse! The one thing that has NEVER come out for me is Brisket. It's interesting because we've always busted Brent's sisters balls HARD about her cooking and she makes a killer brisket.

what goes along with a family dinner.. That's right kids... family. I'm fine with all but 1. I don't know why at this point I dispise my mother-in-law as much as I do. We've hit rough patches along our way, but I truly loathe her right now. I can live with this, but I do feel a little bad for the hubby. He is a sissy when it comes to his mother, and that annoys me.....

I could tell stories that would leave you sending your mother flowers. She was born an only child ...... that's probably the start of it.

Well, I'll get back to Ben and Fletcher tomorow...until then.....

Back to School

My son went back to school yesterday. This isn't as big a deal for us as it is for many others. I thank god we live in the cherry hill school district! Ben was in school for a six week program over the summer. They provided transporation and he went from 9-1:30 instead of the school years 9-2:30.

Ben had a two week break in the begining of the summer and a two week break at the end, so going back to school is a blip.

I am very lucky. (Don't quote me) Ben has no problem with switching from school, to summer camp, to vacation, and back to school. We talk to him and tell him what's coming. His dad and I know he's listening and processing, because he's never suprised.

When he started at the Learning Center back in March, which he goes to after school, Ben and I visited one day for about 2 1/2 hrs. We intended to go again the next day but we had snow. We had no choice but to send him on Monday from school on the bus. There I was at the learning center, hiding in the office watching the closed circuit TV. He gets off his bus, pretty as you please, and walks right to the classroom we had visited on Thursday. No problems, no issues, just "here I am world"

That makes me lucky.

Back to routine. It's somewhat welcome.

Last night I fooled myself into believing I was dipping into domestic bliss. I had my active 4 year old, and my 15 week old puppy penned in the den. Which is now a play room. I peeked in, and there was Ben sitting IN his toy box and the dog passively chewing a toy.

I made dinner, set the table, and genuially enjoyed the peace and thought the two "boys" where getting along so nicely.

That's until I walked into the living room and saw my cell phone. Obviously the dog had tried chewing that first. It now is held together by a single rusted bolt... or something like that.

Ben, feeling artistic, had decided to use his beautiful marker on our wall. I walk into the den to school Fletcher (the dog) and see a picasso by Ben.

I tried getting Ben's attention to ask about the portrait, but convienently this time he didn't hear me. I then walked him over and inquired. He simply looked at me and said "it's a smiley face"

Though it's in Crayola washabel markers, which I SWEAR by!!!! They are truly washable, I've left it up to enjoy it, It looks so nice against our newly painted wall!!!!

I'm back. I know nobody has missed me, but I'll say it anyway!

I'm just getting back from a week at the shore, and then the long labor day weekend. It felt sooo good.

I was at the shore with Ben, my mother and grandmother. I seriously couldn't tell you which of those canidates were the highest maintenance.

Ben LOVED the water. It was 74 degrees, and choppy most of the time. He didn't want to hold my hand and kept trying to go out deeper. This impressed many around us, but I would have prefered the more timid child who only wanted to go in up to his ankles. Now that would have been a vacation!

As far as sensory, he was not bothered by the salt water nor sand. They're constantly doing beach restroation. That's probably because of kids like Ben who carry 1/2 the beach home in every body orfice. The tub held enough to sustain several sand crabs, oysters, etc.

A cute story was Ben and I were digging in the sand. He wasn't paying me a lot of attention, so I put my finger out of the sand a bit, and asked him what that? He started staring and said... it's... it's... it's a toe!...

He thought we had dug some miscelianious toe our of the sand. That of course got me hysterical, and I don't think he pinpointed exactly what was so funny, but he did laugh too.

The rides were a lot of fun. I finally let him go on the flying elephants and airplanes alone. He was able to pull the joy stick back and make them go up. Getting to be such a big boy!

The 10 day's off were jam packed. Sunday we went to a pary at my sister-in-laws, where he spent the entire time going off her diving board. Ben's dad was thrilled and excited at how well he did, I again, was the nervous wreck. He made it out without a mark, so GO DAD!!!

Nice to be home